These five words have been resounding in my heart and mind since last Wednesday.
I went to our regularly scheduled appointment, expecting no concern, once again. The doctor measured my belly, then measured it again, and even measured a third time to make sure she was accurately reading it. It was measuring between 29-30 cm when it's supposed to be between 32-33 cm. This is the second month I've been behind.
"Be still, my anxious child..."
She scheduled a growth ultrasound for this Wednesday just to make sure fluid levels are where they need to be, and he's still growing like he's supposed to.
"Be still, my anxious child..."
I wanted to ask more questions, but I was trying to fight tears. Not because she seemed extremely concerned, but because nothing had gone wrong up to this point. Nothing seemed off track or risky. Nothing even remotely wrong has happened. That's why I was fighting the tears. That's why I couldn't think of the right questions to ask in the moment.
"Be still, my anxious child..."
Worry and anxiety have always been thorns in my flesh. You take one look at me, and I have a smile plastered on my face most of the time, while worry resides in my heart. Not always, but most of the time. The Lord has taught me an abundance on worry in my (almost) 24 years of existence. He's brought me so far. Trust is what I long for. Trust in the Creator of the Universe taking care of my universe. He created the heavens and the earth...why would I think even for a second He's not taking care of me?
"Be still, my anxious child..."
I've recounted this appointment in my mind. I've Googled things I shouldn't Google just to see what the possibilities are. I've tried measuring my belly with my own measuring tape, even though I can't quite remember where she placed each end. I've given our baby boy a pep talk...asking him to please grow inside of mommy. I've prayed. I've read Scripture. All while hearing these words so clearly...
"Be still, my anxious child..."
Tyler and I read to Liam from our Jesus Storybook Bible a couple of nights ago. Our sweet Jesus gave me exactly what I needed in that moment. It was a story about King David called The Good Shepherd. It's based on Psalm 23. Listen to the way they worded this beautiful Psalm in this Bible...
God is my Shepherd
And I am his little lamb.
He feeds me
He guides me
He looks after me.
I have everything I need.
Inside, my heart is very quiet.
As quiet as lying still in soft green grass
In a meadow
By a little stream.
Even when I walk through
the dark, scary, lonely places
I won't be afraid
Because my Shepherd knows where I am.
He is here with me
He keeps me safe
He rescues me
He makes me strong
And brave.
He is getting wonderful things ready for me
Especially for me
Everything I ever dreamed of!
He fills my heat so full of happiness
I can't hold it all inside.
Wherever I go I know
God's Never Stopping
Never Giving Up
Unbreaking
Always and Forever
Love
Will go, too!
And there I was fighting the tears once more.
"Be still, my anxious child..."
Size: Durian Fruit or Pineapple. About 17.2-18.7 inches. 4.2-5.8 pounds.
Major Happenings: He's keeping his eyes open while awake. He's also starting to coordinate breathing with sucking and swallowing. His bones are hardening, and he's going through more brain development.
What's Been Happening: We didn't have one single night free this week. We were at some sort of ball field or church every night! It was crazy. But so fun! I've also been organizing the nursery! Getting close to a nursery post. I'm lovin' it!
Sleep: Not too bad, honestly! Crazy dreams continue.
Miss Anything: Just not dealing with aches and pains.
Food Cravings: Watermelon's STILL the answer. I ate that watermelon last week in two days...all by myself. Shame on me! There are worse things. Tyler surprised me with another one Saturday night...yesssssssss.
Bellybutton in or out: We're just all hangin' out.
Wedding Rings on or off: on. Getting a little snug!
Looking Forward to: Seeing our baby boy again on Wednesday. Also, I MUST brag on my husband. Because we had a million things to do last week in the evenings, I wasn't sure that we'd get to pick up our glider until this week. He surprised me and picked it up Monday! Isn't that just the sweetest?! I'm so thankful for a thoughtful man. Plus, the glider's beautiful!
You know that I am a major worrier too, and The Jesus Storybook Bible is so often the answer, sister. I'm so glad that you are already soaking it up, even before Liam is here. I am praying for you, even though I know this worry has been put to rest. There are constantly concerns springing up, distracting us from the face of the Father. Praying for your weary body, mind, and heart to find rest in His everlasting arms as you prepare to hold your little one. I love you friend!
ReplyDeleteAnna Aves